Between the monster and the deep blue sea.
Just when I thought that I already graduated from being naïve. Surprise, surprise… I was not! It was like déjà vu this time much chaotic, by the same person with additional characters.
It’s annoyingly frustrating and yes, irritated the hell out of me because I never want to be in between. I’ve been racking my brain for reasons why did I ever get involve with it? Why they wanted me in it? I hate being in a place listening to bunch of people who thinks they have the perfect solution to everything. I hate hearing things – rumors, allegations that are irrelevant and obviously none of my business.
I detest mediocrity but this time I’d like to be just that. Not because I agree with them but because as I see it, all comes down to one thing; Personal gain. Its pretty obvious that they don’t like the person ( I do too at some point but that’s water under the bridge now, not to mention that I have learned to respect the person as it is) as much as I wanted to see all pure good intentions on their part I kept on seeing something else.
And hearing them openly talked about it in front of me as if I share the same interest makes me want to scream STOP!
Rumors has it. A person remains innocent until proven guilty. I’ve been hearing different version of the said violations. I don’t have any right to judge the person based on what I am hearing, sure there have been some violations but that doesn’t gave them any right to take drastic actions especially that they have not proven anything yet.
Power. Authority over others, Seems really enticing but to betray a friend for power? That is greed.
Loyalty vs. Secrecy. After experiencing it first hand how “scheming” it can get, I am caught between being loyal and keeping secrets. I don’t want to be the cause of their misunderstanding (not that I will destroy something because it’s already broken to begin with) I'm not even trying to bail myself. I just don’t want to hurt either one of them by being dishonest or by being big mouthed.
For the common good or for the good of few. Hearing them talk I see in all fairness that the Cause is good. I also see their point. They only wanted the truth, maybe got tired of the existing system and wanted change. (At the same time get back a little) I admire the courage but I think the timing was a little off. Because no matter how hard I tried to look at it as innocently and as clean as possible, I kept on seeing otherwise.
Shock was an understatement to describe how I felt. I wanted to walk away but got really curious on what they are about to say. It was confusing to hear different version of the stories – I wanted to hear their version so that maybe I could find a sensible answer.
Scylla. The monster. I’ve come to get used to it and though it may seem like it will eat you alive and everyone would agree how pain in the ass it can get, the uncalled tantrums, occasional mood swings, bossy, nagger not to mention a brat of the first class. Yes a monster but with a heart.
Asking a person to change just so it would please others is unfair. I would never want it to change maybe just mellow down a little (because believe it or not my patience really snaps when it start acting like it was the center of the universe J ) but I’ve come to respect and accept the person as it is. At least I know what I'm getting Plain and simple, Black and White.
Charybdis. The deep blue sea. Just the thought of being suck up in oblivion is terrifying. I was charmed with the unity that it seems to offer. Smiles, words that assure that everything will be okay. I must admit that at some point I see the goodness of intentions – was very happy that there’s someone who actually thinks that there’s still hope.
I was torn because suddenly I see a different person so different from what I have learned to trust. It was like looking a thousand scattered puzzles with pieces almost identical to one another that make it hard to see if I got the picture right.
I really do hope that things wouldn’t be as complicated and as nasty. I may not be the nicest person in the world but I still believed that if they could – or try harder not to step on each others toes things will be a lot easier. If they could only be happy for the success of the other, stop finding shit on one another or just try to respect the others. Then maybe things wouldn’t be blown out of proportion. Maybe they could still trust each other and continue to be friends.
Choices… decisions…
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